He Cheated, I Cried.

Life has thrown many lemons at me the past 7 month. I just couldn’t seem to catch a break. Just when I thought I was in the clear for a moment. God had other plans. Life threw me another lemon and my was it a very bitter one. This lemon was definitely not ready to be picked. It was still green. Life as I know it was about to change once more. I got the news that my boyfiend had been cheating. Yes the one that held my hand at my grandfathers funeral,wiped my tears many nights after, soothed my soul after my uncles death, and had simply been there for me. He was my life savor when I had fell overboard. And you know that “best friend and neighbor” he had, you know the one that had smiled in your face, went out her way to speak to you, laughed with you and had a few light conversations with you? Well sometimes she’s the “mistress”. And that smile was a set up, and that hello was staged, and those smiles were because she knew something that you didn’t know. How could this happen right under my nose? right across the street? And how did I miss it? Did I know and just not want to acknowledge it? All those questions you ask yourself, all those feelings of doubt, and thinking why weren’t you good enough, seem to surface. There is nothing like seeing the evidence for yourself. NOTHING. I ranted around like a crazy woman. Angry, hurt, bitter, confused as to what to do now and where do we go from here? Well of course “Love” conquers all and well sometimes…you stay. Until one day you get a text at work that say’s “I love you and just want you to be happy with or without me.” And your heart sinks, because you have a bad feeling. And normally that feeling is right, he was leaving. He was leaving you for her. I promise it never really hits you until you walk in the house and see them standing there. It never really hits you until you are standing there crying, broken. Because your best was not good enough and the engagement plans that had been talked about in june had to be canceled. Those kids you had picked names out for wouldn’t be with him. Those grocery store trips seem way more complicated and taking the kids with you is a lot more complicated alone. I screamed one day and I road until I had to go back home. It hurt like hell. To know everyone knew but me. For people to still be asking me where he is, what happened, and telling me about them. I cried so many nights and there were days I stood at work in front of my daycare kids just wanting to burst out in tears. And sometimes its still fresh and I still hurt. But then I ask myself who really won here? It’s her turn to deal with it because believe me she was just the one that took him up on his offer. There were others before her and there will be others during her. So I now laugh when I see that smile on her face like she has won a prize. I remember how I was once her believing that I wanted someone that someone else had. Believing that because he was entertaining me that it was funny, she wasn’t good enough, she hadn’t done her best and that I would be “the one”. So I laugh at her youthfulness and his foolishness. And remember the promises that god made me. And always remember that “Karma is a B****”