I Am…

I’m crazy, sometimes dizzy, my jokes are only funny to me and a weirdo that gets it, I laugh at things only I sometimes find funny, I forget I’m grown sometimes, A 3year old walks around carrying my heart with her, I get irritated quickly some days, I forget how to spell some of the most simple words! I can’t do math in my head unless it’s the basics, I have yet to go to college, I chose the most imperfect guy to love (he’s probably the only guy that will actually sit and try to stick his middle toe up with me and laugh about it. He gets me.), I’m not the cutest person in the world I dont pretend to think so. My idea of being sexy are hello kitty underwear, with a T-shirt, Jeans and a pair of old navy flip flops! I’m sometimes overly sensitive and emotional, I cry at the stupidest things, sometimes I cry and don’t know why, I walk around with a smile ready to burst out in tears any minute! I walk around most day’s in t-shirts, underwear and my hair is a mess, He say’s I walk around and know I’m cute (I say I walk around with my head  in the clouds questioning myself, thinking I’m not cute at all, only boosting my confidence when he tells me so.),I’m extremely clingy and like a flee on a dog sometimes (you know, no matter how much u scratch me I just bounce to the other side),I’m too shy to ever approach anyone for fear of rejection, I freely express how I feel most of the time, I tell him I love him even If I don’t hear it back, I was told I make my mistake by expressing my feelings to people, I think people make their mistakes by not expressing themselves enough.

” I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” -Marilyn Monroe


Just One Of Those Days…

Tonight is just one of those nights, you know the one where every emotion but happiness seems to surface? I miss him so bad! I never thought that I could have ever felt this way about anyone like him! Growing up I was always the one that told my mom “Oh I don’t know why people walk around and mope over one person, their is more where they came from… so pick up your heart and move on. That will NEVER be me. She would kind of laugh and say, I hope it never is you but one day It will be you will run up with the right person that’s gone bring you off that high horse.” She was right… I loved him when he opened the door and smiled. I knew that him… him… Ohhhh he was different! The way he loved his kid and kids in general automatically gave him the key to my heart! Now I have to explain to Zi (who is a nice innocent constant reminder that life has a way of bringing things to an ABRUPT end) that she can’t go play with her “Bestfriend, sister(Wherever she got that one from I don’t know i’m still trying to figure it out!)” anymore. At least not right now and from the looks of things not ever. I feel so bored,sad,lonely around here now. I mean, I was stuck to him like glue at one point! Wasn’t to many days that went by I didn’t see him, talk to him, smother him to damn death Lol. I loved the kid just as much, if not more! They say “when you love someone you love everthing that comes with them” that has got to be the TRUTH! Once I saw him not even break out in a sweat and survive two screaming children. Who were running under tables, stepping on our feet, dropping chips and jumping on chairs and he wasn’t bothered one bit, I was sold! *Insert sweet quiet (but short) moment: two little girls laying on a chair together watching tv* If I wasn’t sold before (which I was) I was then! It’s been 1 month and 8 days since I was with him last. I’m so tired of feeling this way! It’s just a COMPLETE emotional drain. Why did my mom have to be right? I never felt like this over NO ONE! NOBODY at all, i’m usually the one that picks up my pieces no matter what! This just isn’t the same, I actually love him 0__o!No not me, I said that would never ever be me! It’s me and I don’t like it if it has to hurt. I mean I think my heart went into shock like,What DO YOU MEAN YOU CANT GET OVER HIM IN A WEEK OR LESS!? Yeah it has never felt this way before. He’s the only guy that I wouldn’t have minded marrying at some point in my life *just still not right now*. The fact I could actuatlly think about it or visualize it at all was just mind blowing for me. Oh how I hate the reality of life.

On top of that i’m in DESPERATE need of a JOB! All I want is a job! No one warned me on how hard it would be to find a decent job (okay maybe they did, and I already knew…But still). On top of that I have a million other things on my mind! Everything just seems to pile up at once. They say “when it rains it pours” and they didn’t lie! I will get through this some how i’m sure. I’ve gotten through life thus far I’ll make it through this to.

*Side note: so i’m watching the cosby show(old i know) but they sent sandra out with the same guy they used as denises husband *later episodes* smh TELEVISiON.

Sleep vs. Cleaning

Well the kid is down for a nap finally. I can finally sit idle minded… That was until I looked around and saw all the cleaning that needs to be done. All I want is a 30minute nap! Just 30 I don’t ask for much lol. Then I think that’s 30 minutes of cleaning that could be done and 30minutes of cleaning without hearing “I help” or “I want my cup” or “my movie gone” 30 minutes of not having 2 hands reaching up at me while vacuuming. Smh im torn between a nap and cleaning a want an a need. I’m my eyes I need to be doing both lol. Well park later I guess. Maybe I wont fall asleep at the picnic table lol

Special Olympics&&Our Honored Athlete!!

Every school in the county/city was there! However Quavez (Little cousin) was the honored athlete and got to light the torch!!! He’s even in the newspaper today:)!

I think she underestimated his ability to throw! Haha the kid can throw a ball!

He’s a Duke fan (today) he may be a Carolina fan tomorrow lol.

He loved the bubbles and so did his friend he thought they were “Cool” he told quavez mom (black jacket)



Update: 101 Things to do with your Toddler!

Today has been a joyus first day to our challenge! We accomplished a lot more than I thought we would considering she can be very STUBBORN sometimes lol. But we did it and everyone is still living lol. We accomplished 1. Color 5. Play Chase 11. GO for a walk 13. Read a book(this will be done at bedtime AS USUAL) 14. Go to the park. 16. Play with play-dough 62. Disconnect your phone and pretend to make phone calls to relatives 63. Leave your phone connected and really make phone calls to relatives- let your child talk too. I also attended the special olympics (Minus Zi I just didn’t think she would sit through the ceremony WILLINGLY or without running on the field lol) And Guess what??? Quavez(Little cousin) was the Honored Athlete and lit the Torch! Yes we were one proud and excited family! I held the tears together! Whewhoo I didn’t cry lol wish  could say the same for his grandma and aunties!

We had so much fun at the park. She even met her a boyfriend a handsome blue eyed, blonde haired little boy named Tristan I’m not sure if he knows that she is his Girlfriend just yet lol. They played great and had lots of fun getting dirty(but who’s stressing? Their kids, their suppose to get dirty:)! His grandma and I definitely will be getting in touch for them to play together again since they had a hard time parting from each other and the park lol. My aunt pulled the funniest trick on her today. She called her pretending to be Tristan this poor kid looks back at me (all while in the same room with my aunt) giggles and says

“It’s tristan, he called” Giggles! It was so innocent and cute! God bless the teenage years though! I mean if she’s acting this way now what does the future really hold! lmao. The innocence of children is just beautiful!


Rest Of The Week Activities!

Tomorrow (Thursday) will be the special olympics for my little cousin which my family and I will be attending. However afterwards I have decided it’s time for the little Zister and I to start the “101 Things to do with your toddler challenge” tomorrow as well. On our list for tomorrow is 1. Color 11. Go For a Walk. 13. Read a book (which we do at night anyway) 14.Go to the park (Which we will be doing the next 3days anyway provided the rain holds out)

We will do a few things off the list wach day for the next few days. (Sundays are resting days around here lol) Look for pictures of COURSE!


She crossed her legs towards him; he shifted his away. She stared lovingly into his eyes; he stared distantly into space. She wrapped her hand tightly around his arm and he grimaced at her touch.

His eyes gleamed with fatigue of the situation; hers shone with excitement and hope. His face was painted with agony and longing; hers with content and comfortability. He walked ten paces ahead as she happily jogged to keep up. 

She didn’t notice the void that was between them. It was something her mind just couldn’t comprehend. While her body was screaming for acknowledgement, his body was yearning for freedom. 

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I don’t know what’s been going on with my emotions lately but everything seems to make me cry! Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and stressed about a few things. Maybe it’s pre menstral symptoms since I have felt absolutely horrible lately! I’m hoping that’s all it is and will pass I don’t need anymore stress than I already have or surprises right now! But these emotions are just not working for me right now. sigh!! Maybe I just need a decent vacation!

This was simple and amazing..and I can def identify!




laugh is distinct in a room full of people.
I can identify her voice in a crowd at the fair.
Her cry is like wind chimes floating across the neighborhood.
The sound of her deafening scream brings my heart to a


And I wonder if he were to hear her laugh in a room full of people,
if he would be able to identify her voice in a crowd at the fair?
Would her cry be like wind chimes floating across the neighborhood
and would the sound of her deafening scream bring back his heart to the dead beat


that he is?

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