Instagram Health… Stop Over Feeding The Kid(s)

(100 calorie bread, turkey, and kiwi)

Dealing with weight issues nearly all my life (except for the moment i was born at 4lbs 15oz dropping to 4lbs. 7oz), I decided to go on this health kick! You know, excersise, better eating habits.. the basics! Why? because I have a desire to live longer (yes I know some people do what they think is right all their lives and still die young etc..But i’d rather die doing what I thought was best than die and it be my own fault) besides that I would like to remain diabeties, high blood pressure,and heart attack free. I’ve been to so many nutristionist it’s far from funny, so I know what to do and what not to do… I just never really did it before. This time though, I’m determined. Unlike those unfortunate people that its really hard for them to loose weight, its not that way for me at all. It’s just hard to STICK to the diet. I also find it so important for kids to be healthy. There’s nothing that I hate more than to see an overweight child that people find funny, cute, and they have mounds of food on their plate. It bothers me personally because that kid was me, at that point its not the childs fault it’s the parents fault! This leads to adulthood (unless that kid finds something wrong with their lifestyle and changes it). It’s no longer funny when its hard for them to find clothes, or walk, or you have to prick their little fingers, or other kids are teasing them to no end because they can’t keep up, and for (women) it can also affect you from being able to conceive(thats right for those of you who didn’t know, it may not be your ovaries or your husbands sperm. So stop blaming that poor man lol! It could be your weight). If your child has a medical condition or are on some type of medication that causes them to gain weight, that is COMPLETELY understandable. I don’t allow zi (or any other kid that steps foot in this camp) to eat that way around here, yes she gets a peanut butter and jelly, mcdonalds, and pizza. However her pizza is cut like a child, portioned like a child, and grapes or something healthy usually go along with it. What kid doesn’t love mcdonalds, but its usually if i hear the *I’m hungry* and we are on the move (she eats when she says she hungry only, unless she just ate)! She is a really good eater and not that picky, she will try ALMOST anything which makes it easy to feed her. She likes Broccoli *I found that out a few weeks ago when putting it on her plate for the first time.* She also loves to be outdoors which is great!

Yes I understand that there are thin people who are unhealthy. And all sizes are beautiful, I won’t love myself any less, or any more being skinny or plus size! Image is not what it’s about, numbers aren’t what it’s about. It’s about trying to be as healthy as possible and trying to do what’s right. Not only for you, but for your kids, or future kids to (You have to start by example).

The Little Monster…

I love this little monster…Isn’t the picture she colored the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?!

I Am…

I’m crazy, sometimes dizzy, my jokes are only funny to me and a weirdo that gets it, I laugh at things only I sometimes find funny, I forget I’m grown sometimes, A 3year old walks around carrying my heart with her, I get irritated quickly some days, I forget how to spell some of the most simple words! I can’t do math in my head unless it’s the basics, I have yet to go to college, I chose the most imperfect guy to love (he’s probably the only guy that will actually sit and try to stick his middle toe up with me and laugh about it. He gets me.), I’m not the cutest person in the world I dont pretend to think so. My idea of being sexy are hello kitty underwear, with a T-shirt, Jeans and a pair of old navy flip flops! I’m sometimes overly sensitive and emotional, I cry at the stupidest things, sometimes I cry and don’t know why, I walk around with a smile ready to burst out in tears any minute! I walk around most day’s in t-shirts, underwear and my hair is a mess, He say’s I walk around and know I’m cute (I say I walk around with my head  in the clouds questioning myself, thinking I’m not cute at all, only boosting my confidence when he tells me so.),I’m extremely clingy and like a flee on a dog sometimes (you know, no matter how much u scratch me I just bounce to the other side),I’m too shy to ever approach anyone for fear of rejection, I freely express how I feel most of the time, I tell him I love him even If I don’t hear it back, I was told I make my mistake by expressing my feelings to people, I think people make their mistakes by not expressing themselves enough.

” I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” -Marilyn Monroe

Just One Of Those Days…

Tonight is just one of those nights, you know the one where every emotion but happiness seems to surface? I miss him so bad! I never thought that I could have ever felt this way about anyone like him! Growing up I was always the one that told my mom “Oh I don’t know why people walk around and mope over one person, their is more where they came from… so pick up your heart and move on. That will NEVER be me. She would kind of laugh and say, I hope it never is you but one day It will be you will run up with the right person that’s gone bring you off that high horse.” She was right… I loved him when he opened the door and smiled. I knew that him… him… Ohhhh he was different! The way he loved his kid and kids in general automatically gave him the key to my heart! Now I have to explain to Zi (who is a nice innocent constant reminder that life has a way of bringing things to an ABRUPT end) that she can’t go play with her “Bestfriend, sister(Wherever she got that one from I don’t know i’m still trying to figure it out!)” anymore. At least not right now and from the looks of things not ever. I feel so bored,sad,lonely around here now. I mean, I was stuck to him like glue at one point! Wasn’t to many days that went by I didn’t see him, talk to him, smother him to damn death Lol. I loved the kid just as much, if not more! They say “when you love someone you love everthing that comes with them” that has got to be the TRUTH! Once I saw him not even break out in a sweat and survive two screaming children. Who were running under tables, stepping on our feet, dropping chips and jumping on chairs and he wasn’t bothered one bit, I was sold! *Insert sweet quiet (but short) moment: two little girls laying on a chair together watching tv* If I wasn’t sold before (which I was) I was then! It’s been 1 month and 8 days since I was with him last. I’m so tired of feeling this way! It’s just a COMPLETE emotional drain. Why did my mom have to be right? I never felt like this over NO ONE! NOBODY at all, i’m usually the one that picks up my pieces no matter what! This just isn’t the same, I actually love him 0__o!No not me, I said that would never ever be me! It’s me and I don’t like it if it has to hurt. I mean I think my heart went into shock like,What DO YOU MEAN YOU CANT GET OVER HIM IN A WEEK OR LESS!? Yeah it has never felt this way before. He’s the only guy that I wouldn’t have minded marrying at some point in my life *just still not right now*. The fact I could actuatlly think about it or visualize it at all was just mind blowing for me. Oh how I hate the reality of life.

On top of that i’m in DESPERATE need of a JOB! All I want is a job! No one warned me on how hard it would be to find a decent job (okay maybe they did, and I already knew…But still). On top of that I have a million other things on my mind! Everything just seems to pile up at once. They say “when it rains it pours” and they didn’t lie! I will get through this some how i’m sure. I’ve gotten through life thus far I’ll make it through this to.

*Side note: so i’m watching the cosby show(old i know) but they sent sandra out with the same guy they used as denises husband *later episodes* smh TELEVISiON.

Simplicity In Life = Happiness

Ever since I was small I was paid in materials. Barbie’s, dolls, strollers, clothes, shoes, and anything else I wanted filled my room. Those materials filled my room, my life, and the void of absent parents. They made up for the excuses of “I don’t want to play ball, or cards, or aboard game, or take you to the park, or watch someone else child for you to play with” I used to feel so sorry for the kids that were “less fortunate” than I was. So sad… those poor kids are outside riding bikes that had different colored handle bars and imitation Barbie’s. Although we were FAR from rich or even comfortable, I still had. And even then all I could think of was I want more. Until I found myself one day looking around an apartment that wasn’t on the “safe side of the tracks” about 600 square feet. Trash spotted throughout the lawn a refrigerator that contained a gallon of juice and condiments, and a cabinet of oodles and noodles. A room that consisted of two mattresses and two box-springs side by side. A sink full of dishes, a broken kitchen table, no washer and dryer back at the laundry mat. Riding off of a quarter tank of gas in a dodge neon, walking to a store on the corner in cold temperatures. With a guy with old sweat pants, beat up tims, no haircut, and a faux fur coat on and I love him. I found myself being content underneath the guy I never imagined I could love so much, in a situation I said I would never put myself in. And to my knowledge I found myself…. Happier than I had ever been. I didn’t care about not going out to eat at San José, chilis, Ruby Tuesday or any restaurant other than McDonald’s dollar menu. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t in Raleigh with the rush hour traffic flashing lights and two story malls. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t wearing expensive clothes I could simply be in my pajamas and be accepted and those were the ones I knew that accepted me at my worst, and my best. Instead of spending my Fridays in restaurants, and shopping centers. They were spent listening to loud music, with few friends and family, gathering around a table playing cards, talking and laughing. Cable and internet or a phone didn’t matter. I saw myself watching franklin with his little girl curled up between us in her pajama’s, I didn’t have to worry about her not having on fine clothing that you were afraid if they got a drop of juice on them. She could enjoy her dora popsicle on the back of an old Buick with ice cream dripping down her face and hands and those were picture perfect moments she could do this in peace. I found simplicity in life… I could finally love life as is, with few expectations. I could finally stop and smell the roses without someone telling me how they should smell, how they should look. I could be myself. I felt free finding simplicity in life. Now I know why those kids riding those bikes with different colored handle bars, imitation Barbie’s, kicking rocks were smiling. They were happy with the small things in life in essence they were sad for me.