Do you ever wonder what mark you will leave behind when you die? Who and how will people remember you? Did you live or simply exist? Ever since I heard about Talia Joy Castellano loosing her battle with cancer (nueroblastoma) I have been pondering these questions. She fought and kicked cancers ass for 6 long years. Much longer than some. It may seem as though she has lost her battle, but she hasn’t, and she won’t. Her soul may leave but she will live on. In my eyes she’s won her battle. She will do what we all have to do. “Just as we live we shall die, it’s the circle of life”-talia. When she leaves this world, it will owe her nothing, she has come to do what she was meant to do. I just hate she had to go through all of this to achieve what god had set for her to accomplish. Sometimes I wonder why, why bring someone here that has to suffer? But isn’t that the human side of me? We aren’t always able to comprehend these things. And if you are raised in church you are taught to not question god… But we do anyway. We’re human and he forgives us. Talia lived, she will forever live. She will always be an inspiration to me and so many others. In her final moments I hope and pray she has peace and comfort. She feels the love surrounding her and remembers that she didnt loose this battle… She kicked cancers ass. Her soul may leave but her message lives on. Her life wasn’t always as beautiful as she was but it was beautiful just the same. What i will take from following some of her fight is to not feel sorry for myself no matter what situation I’m put in, to just keep swimming. I’m sure her next life will be so much more beautiful than this life. She’ll be beautiful forever with no pain. That must seem like a nice thought for her right now. Used to finding nemo was just some kiddie movie that I could 1. Never watch all the way through 2. Never find the moral in. Now I watch it an it has meaning, I think of talia, I can now find the moral of the story and I have her to thank for that. “Just keep swimming” kid “just keep swimming”.
Staying with khy’marrii tonight at the hospital. I’m so sleepy and tired. I will live off of coffee tomorrow! And zi and I will be taking a nice long nap or maybe I can sneak in about 3hours before her arrival;) if I’m lucky! Or maybe she will be nice enough to sleep for at least 2! Anyways I’m ready for my baby girl. Khy’marrii seems to be doing a little better. He may go home tomorrow. Just irritated that he has tubes in his foot. I hate to see him like that.
“Lord I can’t say it in words… So can
you please just listen through my heart” -unknown
Thats all I can say. It’s all I have in me right now. Life is draining!
For the last few weeks… I have not felt as good as I could/should feel. Thinking maybe it’s just my “worst enemy” but also “best friend” for childbearing paying a visit. I’m starting to wonder if that’s it at all considering she hasn’t made an appearance yet! Smh. I think I need to pay the doctor a visit.