I AM

I don’t have much to believe in…All I have is my pride,dignity,self-assurance,and self-respect, I’m a woman, I’m a girl. To some I’m even a bitch. Either way I’m bruised, broken, and scorned. But I’m not bitter. My love goes further than an ocean of tears, further than the distance between me and the stars.

I’m hurt and I’m angry. But I have no hatred. Not towards the one’s that tried to use me, abuse me, and tell me I was nothing. Because I am more than my tears. I am more than what’s between my legs. I am a female. I understand my self-worth even when no one else does.

I’m weak but I’m strong. I cry because I have to. My tears flow down my face wet with my shirt. My tears are weak and strong they force me to grow and become the person I need to be. Not to survive but to live. They teach me to see past the moment, to have the memory and to love the struggle that got me there.

I am optimistic but I am guarded. The wounds from the words wont allow me to let you near the heart. I can not be loved. I can only give. I give with a smile. I hold out my hand with my heart on my sleeve. Take it. Because it is all I can give you.  I can not receive your love back. I am incapable of receiving the love I give.

I’m new and I’m old. To some I am their future. To some I am their presence. To some I am their past. To myself I am my past. I carry you with me everyday with the weight on my shoulder’s. I see you everywhere I turn because to me a new face and new name means nothing. I still see you in them. To me they are the same.

I am the truth, I am a lie. I speak the truth from my lips and I live a lie. I encourage you and speak down to myself. I loved you and shamed me. I am a culture hethan in my own body.

I’m smiles and I’m frowns. I smile to the public. I laugh and joke around. I frown because I am filled with feelings that I don’t know where to put.

I am in with  Love me. I am all these things. I’m a woman, I’m a girl, and to some I’m even a bitch. I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m weak, I’m strong, I am optimistic, I am Guarded, I’m new, I’m old, I am the truth I am a lie, I’m smiles and I’m frowns.

Yes, I may not have to much to believe in.. All I have is my pride, dignity, self-assurance, and self-respect. But One thing about me…god isn’t through with me yet.

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